Hello, my name is Mila Ariel Palamita. :D

I am currently studying in Singapore and am a victim of the horrid Junior College system in Singapore's education. My life basically revolves around God (yes, I'm Christian and proud of it cause Jesus is such a great friend! :D), school (which sucks big time) and as you can infer from my layout, NEWS.

Mila enjoys watching NEWS' performances, and their baka moments in talk shows and magazine interviews.I also enjoy watching japanese dramas very much and outside of NEWS, I really love actors Eita, Toma Ikuta and actresses Horikita Maki, Nagasawa Masami and Ueno Juri! :D

Mila also enjoys food very much and looks forward to making bentos for lunch in University. ;D
And because Masuda Takahisa is my favourite member, I have decided to make this post to be on July 4th which to me is not America's independence day but just his birthday. HEH.

I aspire to be a doctor although my results now is really not medicine material.
But I'm not going to give up and I believe that my God will help me in fulfiling my dreams.
After all, He has never failed me. :D

Its my desire to go to Japan for NEWS' concert and to study Medicine in either London or in Brisbane.
And so I hope that all that will come to pass by 2010. :)

Have a good stay and I hope I have blessed you in anyway!

I am a sinner.

Sometimes I falter in my trust in God.
Sometimes I put my hope in the wrong things.
Sometimes I am not faithful in everything that God placed in my life.
Sometimes I reason with God.
Sometimes I have feelings and thoughts that I shouldn't have.
Sometimes I do things that I know I shouldn't do.
Sometimes I forgot what I promised God.

A lot of the times I get angry with myself.
Because I time and again, I fail to be who I promised God I would be.
The fact that I am a sinner will always hold true as long as I am still alive.
That's the truth.

But there is a choice.
To choose purity despite knowing you cannot be completely pure.
To choose love despite knowing you love imperfectly.
To choose to (at least try to) be blameless despite knowing you cannot be sinless.

To choose to be God's child. :)

Father, I apologise for the times that I do not specifically set aside time for You.
For the times that I chose to be prideful and refused to listen to Your voice/suggestions.
(like today, omg. because i was so confident that cg was at 1pm, i ignored the nagging voice that said, better check the time for cg. and in the end, i missed cg cause its actually at 11am. O_O)
For the times that I do things that might not glorify Your name.

And I know one thing, Father.
I know that I cannot be like Jesus no matter how I try now. But the best way, and the way that will put a smile on Your face is to keep living and to live in Your ways. In that way then will I eventually meet You in heaven and not have to face anymore loneliness in my life. And the best is, I will not fail You anymore. :D

today, my mother and my brother left for indonesia leaving me alone yet, again.
and i made my way to nexus from the airport feeling very lonely and heavy-hearted.
my heavy heart brought about a series of questions that erupted in my heart.
(lol, what a way to put it)

during worship, i was questioning God,
why do i need to face this kind of emptiness every once in a while?
why do i have to feel lonely?
why do i have to go home to an empty (well, somewhat) house?
why do i only have home-cooked food once in a long while?
why is my family so...not like everyone's?
and why oh why, can't i show how i really feel towards my family?
and why is my mother so far from our God?
(my mum is a devout buddhist now and i have nothing against buddhism, just of course, as a christian, i would want her to know the christian God)

and i was also annoyed that i am always the one disappointing God.
its as though i was annoyed that God is always right, LOL.
but the point is why do i always disappoint God?

by being impatient with family members and CG members,
by being selfish and inward-looking,
by always being compromising tithing,
by always being afraid to face the responsibility of disciplining my sheep,
all these are my flaws and where i disappoint God in. (and there's more, for sure)

there was once, I wrote in my notebook during Quiet Time,
that if there is one thing I can wish for, is really for my heart to be fully given to God.
to be fully sworn to love God and go after God instead of being shaken and distracted by earthly things.
to be like how Jesus' heart was.

well, as I worship,
i told God, i want to be better.
i told God, despite whatever heart condition i'm in, heavy or whatever,
i wanted to worship God for who He is and give Him what He deserves.

and God reminded me of Mephibosheth.
(i am now reading Cast of Characters and I am really learning some really good lessons from all these great normal people who are used by my amazing God. )

Like Mephibosheth, I come with an offering of my life that might not be worthy for God.
I fear what God has for me and what He thinks of me.
But like how King David accepted Mephibosheth and offered him a place at the King's table to eat,
God places my offerings on the table and He looks on me with love.
and He didn't say: "I will die for you when you are worth dying for." but He says,
"my child, I've been waiting for you. never be afraid to come to me, for your place is here at my table."

and i know that, if i want to really eventually become like Jesus,
i need to continue facing all these things that might hurt.
these loneliness, these things that distract me from God,
all these selfishness and impatience, i need to overcome.
only with facing and overcoming all these that God placed in my life,
will i eventually become more like Jesus and be with Jesus.
so i will press on, cause God is worthy. :D

and like how King David provided for Mephibosheth,
God will provide for me and make my path straight. :)

even though i have been rejected by UCL. haha ~ oh wells.
still, praise God for He's worthy! ;D

I really went to study!
not econs, not bio, not chem,
but I study the bible. :D

God,
thank You so much for helping me for econs.
though it wasn't very well-done considering that i didn't finish my paper, and my part 1b was weird...
but i knew that you were with me because i really could remember almost everything that I studied. :)
i really didn't have to be afraid.

i think God has been very good to me. :)
on friday, he reminded me of Psalms 42:5 and Psalms 56:10.
and on saturday, Shirley spoke of Psalms 42:5.
today, as I was getting scared as econs is getting nearer and nearer,
mel encouraged me with Psalms 56:10.

maybe its coincidence, but i call it divine coincidences. :D
and thank God for limin's message as well. it really encouraged my spirit!

and everything is just left in Your hands, i know you will make it work for me. :D
today is one of those days in quiet time which i don't have much to say to God.
but i know that God understands my feelings of gratitude to Him and that's enough.
He's still holding my hand and I am still holding on. :)

make it work will of course, remind me of Project Runway.
and finally i realize why i think Logan looks familiarly handsome. (and yes, I think logan is handsome. LOL)
he's like a western version of Pi! :D



don't you think so? :D

and i love him with carol hannah. AHAHA.

of course, carol hannah is my favourite, i hope she wins. :D
she's really very good (never before in bottom 3) and she's very cute!
oh and she has cut bangs, it looks so cute on her. :D

i am going to cut back bangs after A levels. :)
and after a few hours of stoning, tv (including soukon) and lazing around,
i shall start studying now.

but before I go, i can't help but to talk about soukon;
the look on tego's face when he realise that tegomasu lost to koyashige is PRICELESS.
and massu is so funny when he desperately called tegoshi to slow down. HAHA.
NEWS + running = cuteness! :D

goodnight!

"Why so downcast oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Saviour and my God.

By day, the Lord directs His Love,
at Night His song is with me
a prayer to the God of my life. "

Psalms 42:5, 42:8
that's why, I will bring praise (:

God spoke yet again. (:
through Shirley today.
hontou yasashi da nee, kami-sama wa ~ :D

massu with specs ♥

today marks the last of this week's battles. :)
I lost today's battle.
and my spirit feels ........... blahh.

but I'm not defeated and I refuse to be defeated.

Mathematics;
I went to do the math paper with a confident spirit and the peace of God.
I think it was quite alright, except for some parts of certain questions.
But God definitely helped me. :)
And I know I will do alright for math cause He helped me.
Seems weird, but I can finally say goodbye to math!

General Paper;
why oh why did I choose to study for GP the day before?
everytime I study for GP, I will want to reproduce the same type of answer that I read.
and that was what happened.
in my attempt to reproduce the RJ-like poverty essay, I think I missed the point.
and with so many people writing on poverty, how can I stand out?
the only feeling that I have is uncertainty.

Paper 2 was better but not much better because,
though I had enough time for AQ, I didn't manage to finish because my first two points were too long. :(
summary wasn't any better because I didn't have time to go back and take away my extra words.

Biology Core Paper;
oh gosh. bio was such a silent killer.
where did my DNA replication and watson crick model go to?
and oxidative phosphorylation, krebs cycle and light dependent reaction?
why oh why did they test all the trivial parts of the chapters that we so tend to overlook.
like telomere (!!) ...
but thank God I managed to think out relevant ideas to write for that question.
its just that my linkage, neutral theory and that weird photosynthesis question is gone. :(

i was so happy nervous system came out for essay.
but alas, only at the last minute that I realise that the last essay was on synapses being propagated in only one direction, not action potential.
and i had to painfully submit my full page of answer on refractory period that will receive 0 marks. :(
MILA ARIEL NEEDS TO DEPEND ON APPLICATIONS AND PAPER ONE YOSH.

Chemistry;
I lost the battle.
that's all I can say.
but I AM NOT DEFEATED. 

God is my victory. ♥

and thank you amanda! for the photo, the encouragement and DVD.
and ing, thank you for your text. :) 
and mervin, for your sudden text in the morning, lol.
and God for being the Strength of my Heart. 

awww, isn't he cute? ♥ ♥ ♥
takahisa's stage play has started airing in Japan!
of course, i wish i could go watch it but with limited time, funds and A levels,
sore wa muri desu. D:

and i'm so jealous of the actress cause she gets to hug massu !! HAHA. ohwells.
anyway, the best break to take halfway through studying is to: watch masuperman pv!
its seriously adorable beyond adorable, and so superbly massu!
best of all, it showed the best of him.
how he can be so cute and also so hot at the same time. HAHAHA.

i am such a fangirl in this post.
but it cannot be helped,
takahisa is too pretty. :D

coming back to reality of 3 days left to A levels;
the past few days were not say very fruitful.
i have been very slow in my progress.
but even so, my heart stayed calm with God's peace. :)

but i wouldn't say that i didn't struggle to get that peace.
it took a whole lot of time for God to convince me that He's faithful and that He'll make it work for me.
the devil kept on bringing up the things that I've not been faithful with to make me doubt whether God will still help me.

Its not that I don't know of His faithful nature, its just that, I doubt myself so so much. haha!
But I think through various things this week, God has shown Himself so faithful.
and He have been whispering in my ear, to believe in Him like how a child should believe in her Daddy.

On one night earlier this week, during quiet time, I came across the part in the Gospels in which Jesus said:
Unless your heart becomes one like a child, you can't enter the Kingdom of God..."
and through that, I started thinking, as I've become older as a child of God, I had somehow, forgotten my child-likeness.
I let logic and reason come in my way of believing what God can do through my life if only my heart believes in Him fully.

thank God for reminding me. (:
the past 2 weeks had me going on some emotional struggles in believing that God will pull me through.
but for the past 3 days or so, I have stopped doubting God.
thank you God. please help me to sustain this faith and soften my heart to be one like a child's.
one that will believe in what you can do, beyond logic and reasoning.

and thank you God for helping me through BMAT.
of course, the first component was like ?!?!?!?!
that's all i can say, hahaha.
the second components were okay except for the physics question, but then God helped me in a sense that as I did the paper, He impressed in me an answer to choose despite not knowing whatever it is asking about.
and the writing task was a breeze. I managed to write the maximum of one page within 25 out of 30 minutes.
and i don't believe its not God helping me. :D

God is amazing in the sense that he uses anything and everything to encourage you in whatever that you are doing.
Even through takahisa's lyrics! AHAHA.

in superman, there's a line which translates to:
"Even when I fall while I jump on the wrapping cloth (cape), I'll fight"
and in impressed in me the need to persevere and fight, even if in the eyes of everyone else, you're cui and pathetic.
but what matters most is you stay true to what you are doing and what you believe and you FIGHT.
(gosh, massu's so cute, in the pv when the akuma kid came out he started trembling, LOL. and despite that, he continued to FIGHT.)


And I know that even if i might not know everything in the syllabus, in the lecture notes and I stumble over the easiest formulas,
I'll still fight A levels. and I will fight with God. :D

and I have something to say:
pretty boys are so not gay! they are hot. HAHA.

s

and i love the line: "僕は愛のHERO"  ♥

With 9 days left to A'levels,
and Prelim results which were the worst of her results in her 2 years in JC,
Mila Ariel Palamita is scared scared scared.
worried worried worried.
doubtful doubtful doubtful about herself.

But God is telling her in Tim Gunn style,
"Make it work in whatever you can do and leave the rest to me.
And I will make it work for you. "

sou ka naa, indeed,
♥ this love will see me soar ~ (:

And I'm in the middle of doing an Econs case study when I got stuck in an 8 marks question. So I decided to come online and gosh that's a wrong decision cause now I'm not progressing with the stupid question and I am getting distracted. LOL. :\

And massu, along with tego, kei and shige, is going to be on a new variety show! :D and they are going run missions and at the end of it, they will plant trees to save the earth. how adorable is that! :D

About the new show, massu said:
"Running without being able to see the goal made me nervous".
Gosh, I know how that feels. HAHA!

Its scary how A'levels are less than 2 weeks away.
And though I have a goal and I trust in God, because I am not able to see it, I am a bit nervous about it.
I really hope to receive a phone call the day results will come out next year! ;D

OH and the whole of this week I know how massu, massu, dear massu feels.
I have been thinking so much about the new gyoza shop at ion!
Going to try it with amanda this friday! :D
And tomorrow, we're going to collect our Best Stage with massu on the cover. ♥
Then eat the curry rice that I ate that day with ing! (do you remember, ing? :D)

And recently, I have been listening to Jason Mraz a lot! His songs old and new are all very good. :) I really like the last line of Clockwatching though!
"Tonight, sleep tight. And build your nest upon my shoulder.."
SO CUTE! :D

Ohoho, my mac's battery's dying and my stomach's grumbling despite the bibimbap I ate for dinner. T_T
Oyasumi!

I am really blessed by Pastor Jeff's sermon today. :)
And I believe with all my heart that it was God encouraging me.

Throughout the whole of this year, through feelings, circumstances, and whatever that went through in my heart, I have grown to realize the importance of understanding that God is sufficient for me. And today's sharing really seem to speak to me a lot.

Indeed so, whenever you aspire to do great things for God, be it in ministry or be it in your life, the stupid (smart) devil is not going to sit at one corner and watch you get closer to fulfilling that goal for God. Especially so when you are so near to completing that one goal for God, he's going to manipulate you to destroy yourself so as to make you not fulfill that goal or delay you in fulfilling that goal.

And I really experienced this. I have recently shared that God had used my prelim results to purify my motives of becoming a doctor. Of course, its quite a big blow to me that I actually did so badly for prelims. And the devil took advantage. He too, made used of my prelims results, but in a much more horrid way than God. He used my prelim results to bring be down, to make me believe that I cannot make it and that I'm a joke to still aspire to go to Medical school with such results. He tried to make me lose my trust in God and tried to make me lose my aspire and dreams. He tried to destroy my dreams, both for God and my life. Because he knows how close A levels is.

Thank God that Jesus called me back just in time. And I know that God will help me if i continue to pray and continue to believe and do all that i can in the remaining time. And I am focused.
On God and on A'levels. :)
And that devil who I despise to the core of his being is NOT going to bring me down anymore. That's a conviction that I've gained, be aware of the devil's tactics and choose not to listen to his words that will manipulate you to destroy yourself. But choose to focus on God's words that builds you up and encourages you.

And its very easy to let what others think about you, what others say about you, and how others treat you to affect how you are. But a lot of the times, these are defamations that are planted in your life by the devil. And because of certain things that I have not been faithful with, certain feelings that I shouldn't have had through this year, I become very wary and afraid of what others would say. In short, I was afraid of judgement.

Also, I was afraid what others would think of me if i carried on with applying for Med school despite such bad results. I was thinking people would laugh at me and talk behind my back.
"who's she to apply to med school..."

But then now, I know that God is sufficient for me. And I know and I know and I know and I know (Pastor Jeff style, LOL) that my life is not completely righteous (duh). But I know that I love God and I do want to honour him and I do repent whenever I am wrong. And I may not be a secure person but I am secure of God's love for me and of God's forgiveness for me. :)
That's why, I can still hold on to God and soar like an eagle and not cower like a chicken when the devil strikes. :)

And when it comes to my aspirations and dreams that God gave, God had given me the strength and courage to keep holding on to it. To keep striving and dreaming for Him, for people and for the Kingdom. And I can confidently say that my motives are clean. :)

The devil is still working hard. He makes me feel guilty whenever I don't study enough in a day and it makes me feel so bad, I don't get any more studying done. But today I have learnt, to move on from these and focus on doing what I can in the remaining time.

God will bring me through. :D I am confident because my hope is in Him.

" Every morning I always look forward to choosing clothes from my closet.
Isn't this just like a girl? "


-masuda takahisa
NEWSMILE 16th Sept

one word: adorable! ♥
and you, I will remember you and your pink socks. :)

What a lot of mixed feelings about farewell assembly.

I know definitely I will miss 08S01. Its not the best class I had been in, in fact we had our friction, our conflicts and alienation of each other. But today, because its the last day of school, we all went through the day peacefully and took a lot of photos together as a class and as classmates. And honestly, I really wished that there were more moments like this that we have as a class. At the end of the day, I suppose if its one thing I regret is not putting in enough effort to forge better friendship with my classmates. And although there were friction and conflicts, but at the end of the day, when I look back at my college days, I will definitely miss 08S01. :)
Thank God for everyone in 08S01! :D

And I definitely thank God for my teachers. :D
Of course, teachers can be a bit annoying at times.
But then I am really very thankful for my teachers who painfully worked their hearts out in order to make sure that we learn, both new knowledge and from mistakes. But most importantly, I thank my teachers for not giving up on me. It really means a lot to me that teachers don't give up on me because it keeps me going and to not give up. I really hope I will surpass my standards and make my teachers proud for A'levels!

That's why, God you must help me for yet another reason! :P
To not let my teachers (who all believe in me) down!

Haha, PJC. Not the best school, not my favourite school but I appreciate PJC all the same. :)

最後の日の今日はこうはいがみえるのことはよかった。
私,ほんとうにバカな人が見たいなああ〜
いつもこうはいがみたい。
ま、バカなのに、好きは好きだよ。
さようなら、こうはい！
よく生きてね！
AHAHA, this is stupid. T_T

okay back to econs. nights (:

1; the teachers all had gone crazy and I am drowning in the influx of the number of prelim papers to do! D:
just this weekend alone I have to complete:

Chemistry - 2008 A' Level Paper 1
- 2008 A' Level Paper 3 at least 2 questions

Biology - NYJC Paper 1
- NYJC Paper 3

Economics - 2 Case Studies
- 8 essays to read and consolidate
- revise the whole of macroecons

Math - 2007 Prelim paper

GP - Full paper (essay and compre)

and not counting all the prelim exam answers which I haven't finish going through. D:
but by God's strength and grace, may I complete all of it. (:
for God's glory and to show my sincerity in wanting to give my best and do well.

2. Jesus is very handsome! HAHA.
I show you.

Reading the extraordinary life of Jesus in a manga format, is very refreshing!
And the manga is written in a very relevant way and yet still capturing the gentle holiness of Jesus. as well as all the amazing things that he had done when he was still on earth. :)
Of course, I am reading it slowly as an extra part of quiet time. :D

3. Takahisa is becoming very handsome! HAHA.
Massu has always been cute and handsome. but more of cute but he is really getting more handsome.

actually you would have seen from my icon. LOL. but he's so charming. ♥
and I'm so proud of him, he got onto the COVER of a magazine.
i'm so going to buy the pamphlet of his play. :D

and thank God for Amanda. :D
she's definitely one person who I can talk about things with no boundaries!
but seriously, without takahisa, we wouldn't be such good friends.
so you see, who says fandoms are all bad!

and, Mila Ariel has matured in her walk with God.
Handsome (LOL) Jesus had taught her to see things in a different light, and grown her trust and faith in Him.
Although I've always wanted to become a doctor because of altruistic and non-selfish reasons, I've had my pride. I had always wanted to get into medicine straightaway because it seemed that I'll look better that way. But I think God had used my prelims to purify my motive of wanting to become a doctor even more and to trust in His plans. And I've grown to be humbled to accept God's plans in my life. And it really don't matter to me anymore whether I get into medicine straightaway as long as at the end of the day I get to be a doctor. :) so its okay if i'm going to take another course first before entering medicine by graduate entry.

And i know that my motive of becoming a doctor is purified and that now, my motive is purely biblical and for the sake of benefiting others and the Kingdom. :)

okay, Mila Ariel is going to sleep soon.
so that tomorrow will be a day of work and worship and meeting my beloved, handsome Jesus. ♥ HAHA!

Prelim results are out and they are just bad.
I feel so directionless and blahhhh.

Today my mum called me when I was on my way to meet Amanda before Japanese class.
(Anyway, thank you amanda for all your lovely encouragements! I will press on! :D)
I had been telling her about my bad prelim results and how I'm very sad and very stressed about studies and university applications and my future.

This is what my mum said:

"In life, you should just enjoy the moment that you are living in. You might not do well this time but there's no point in being sad about it. You might not do well this time round but who knows, you might do well in the A level exams? You may fail but you must keep trying. Even if after you try you fail again, then try again. We all know its not easy to be a doctor. If its easy, everyone would be doctors by now. People don't become doctors overnight, some have to go through a detour. I know you want to get into medicine but not getting into medicine next year doesn't mean you cannot become a doctor. Some people only become a doctor at 40 and how old are you now? 18? There is still time. Besides, your basis to be a doctor is because you want to help the under-privileged. Then pray, pray to Jesus that He will help you to become a doctor. "

And because my mother never stopped believing in me, its stupid to do so.
Arigatou, okaa-san. ♥

And I have something to say to the devil:

"Hello you evil cunning one. Throughout yesterday after I got back my bad prelim results and as I was rushing to British Council to get my crucial registration done for BMAT, you were the one who kept on planting bitter thoughts in my heart and my mind didn't you? And you succeeded. Throughout the whole day I was bitter towards God. I was bitter why am I doing so badly, why am I so much worse than my classmates. I was bitter that it seemed that I wasn't going to hand in my registration on time. And you had to put in thoughts of self-doubt, thoughts of maybe I should give up. Maybe I'm not cut out for it. Maybe God placed that ambition in my heart only to take it away. Maybe God is just playing with my feelings. I'm no way up to the standard. And I was crippled by these horrid thoughts. I believed these lies. Maybe some of them are true, I am really not up to the standard. But I can tell you one thing, I choose to believe in God and His promises. And I choose to listen to my mum's words. Your insidious attack is nothing but a cunning attack from a weakling. You're not even destroying me, but you are making me destroy myself. And its too stupid to let you do that. I am telling you, I am going to shamelessly hang on to God. I hate you to the core of your being! GOOD BYE. and in the name of Jesus, stop bothering me!"

And something else to say to God:

"God, I am honestly still feeling very scared and directionless. I had wanted assurance out of my prelim results but then instead I found helplessness and feelings of defeat and dejectedness. God, I know that the life that I'm leading now is not completely blameless. In some aspects, I have not been a faithful daughter. I have lost my drive for being on the frontline, I have became tired of trying and I have overlooked the importance of joy. And even faith. But with that little faith that is left in me, I want to tell you that I have never ever stopped loving you and I am not able to. And I am going to believe in You. Though I am scared of Your will for me, being a doctor is what is placed in my heart and God I am praying to you with much petition, please help me to achieve my dreams. Not for money or prestige, but simply to help people, God that is my heart motive. And I want my voice to be heard, to be a person that will be listened to and not overlooked and insignificant like how I've always been. I want to influence. Not in a negative way, but in anyway that can benefit them and Your kingdom. God, do you hear me? God I don't have to be the best, really, but please, help me to achieve this dream that You inspired that 15 year old girl to have 3 years ago on that fateful worship session. Please God. And honestly, its so difficult to go through life now. Please God, be my strength, be my focus. I love you. ♥"

And something to say to ♥ Masuda Takahisa even though he will never ever read this. HAHA.
Even if he read this, he probably wouldn't understand anyway. :P

"Haha, addressing you as Takahisa would seem rude so...Massu, from the episode that you've went on Shonen Club Premium, I definitely learned some very important lessons from you. I admire your simplicity of being thankful for all the opportunities that you've been given. It seems that they've always picked you as a last resort, didn't they? But even so, it is your attitude of gratitude as well as your spirit to keep on trying with your best that made you go this far. You were never the best, always not in the limelight. But what is most admirable is that you know you don't have to be the best. You are happy if you are good enough to be noticed and even if you were picked as a last resort for a role or whatever, you are thankful for that opportunity. And that is the beautiful thing about your heart, Massu! And your efforts are not unnoticed. There are thousands of fans in this world, including me, that is inspired by your effort and spirit. Not forgetting your genuine smile that always brightens our days. Please continue to ganbatte kudasai! :D "

Although Mila Ariel Palamita yearns to stay in a world of fantasy where everything is well, where there is plenty of food and where the scenery is beautiful and be with people she loves and love her back, Mila has to face the reality of this world. And although its difficult, painful, scary and lonely, Mila knows God backing her up.

Hahaha, i know i should be asleep!
I am going to sleep now!
If you are bored and you like NEWS, go do this quiz!
I got Masuda Takahisa ♥

And I swear, I didn't cheat! I even re-did the quiz and I still got takahisa! 
Haha, so I go well with my-paced people. :O

Today was a good day full of eating good food.
I like(:
Anyways, I am getting very stressed for University Applications. :(
God, please give me directions.
But first, please go to God, Mila! 

I seriously love october's issue of duet, takahisa's smile is so genuine and pretty in these shots!
see, I even took screenshots of them, haha!


I swear, he's so adorable, I can die. HAHA.

today I end prelims! :D
watched the Time Traveller's Wife today.
It was a good movie.
I like(:
Have been wanting to read the book since eons ago though! But never got the chance, lol.

On a random note,
If its one thing that I've come to realise is that;
People bring you the greatest amount of hurt and pain and disappointments.
But its also people who bring you the greatest joy, laughter and happiness.
And at the end of the day, when you look back at the memories that you've made with the people in your life,
you can't help but to thank God for all these people despite them hurting and disappointing you. :)

No matter how distant/sour a friendship/relationship might become, take heart!
At the end of the day, the memories are still there for you to smile upon. ♥

even so, i wish i can understand people better. and be understood as well. :\

Today I have experienced liberation and pure joy in God.
I have grown to love God with a love that I cannot explain.
And God loves me with a love that cannot be explained in any logical way.
And that's how things are and its my covenant with God.

"I want to sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breathe, hear Your heartbeat
This love is so deep, its more that I can stand
I melt in Your peace, its overwhelming"

I really love today's worship song because, it mirrors the type of intimacy that I'm not ashamed to say that I long for, and I know that I can find in God. And I know that God loves me and that transcends everything else,
God is sufficient for me. :)

So what I feel is that,
its okay if I do not feel completely belonged anywhere, because I have God.
its okay if I cannot love and be loved like how I wish to, yet, because God will meet my needs.
And...its okay that I cannot get to know kouhai. (haha, if you don't understand this, its okay)

Maybe its greedy of me, but I pray that in some way or another, God will bless kouhai for me.
And that God will call some person in kouhai's life to bring him come to know God for who God is.

"This a love that I can't explain
Yes I believe it" :D

Mila Ariel Palamita seriously don't know where all the time went to. Wednesday, and thursday whizzed past so fast that I awoke today in horror to realise that its already Friday. D: I love Fridays though, Fridays means its dinner with Amanda before Japanese lessons, and I love these dinners because I can be who I am and say whatever my heart tells me. But Fridays also mean the end of yet another week, translating to a week nearer to the big A levels.

Today's study session at Lido was relatively fruitful despite major confusions about foreign reserves and how it corrects BOP surpluses/deficits in a fixed exchange system because I was relatively focused today and thank God I was because I had been so tired and distracted the past 2 days! (Ask Janice!) And God was so very kind, during the lunch hour, there was a woman who came to sit at my table. And this is what happened.

Kind Lady: Is it okay if I sit here?
Me: Ah, yes sure!
Kind Lady: Preparing for exams is it?
Me: Haha, yah.
After eating her food;
Kind Lady: I'm going to get a drink, do you want any?
Me: No, its okay, thank you very much!
Kind Lady: How about an ice milo, have you eaten your lunch?
Me: Its okay really and yes, I've eaten! Thank you!

But she bought ice milo for me all the same and I was so surprised that I just kept babbling thanks to her. Haha!
She's so nice. :) and cute, she started reading comics as I continued to study, lol!
After she left, there was another woman who came to sit at my table. Not that I want to compare, but there was a distinct difference between her and the first lady, she was so cold and hostile. After eating her meal, I notice that she was reading a bible and frantically hi-lighting some verses.

That got me thinking.
Why was she so cold and hostile? And the first lady, she was reading comics and yet was so warm and kind. Do you see the contrast? I was thinking, would Jesus had wanted His people to be cold and hostile towards others and be concerned about themselves? And I was thinking, many Christians, because they know of what is right and know that what they are doing is right, are so full of themselves that they forget the point of living the Christian life and that is to love people. Many Christians look at people who are not living the Godly lifestyle, and instead of understanding, they judge these people.

I am telling you, even as a Christian myself, that all these judgements is the biggest thing that turns people off from Christianity. Think about it, do you think that these people are happy that they are like that? Wrong in their deeds in the eyes of God and shunned from the norm? What they really need is liberation. And after watching Last Friends, I was thinking if I were to have a friend who was like Ruka, would I shun her away, or would I accept her for who she is? Of course, I wouldn't say that I would approve of Gay/Lesbienism or sex changes or whatever but then, if that is who your friend truly is, would you still be her friend like Takeru and Eri and eventually, Michiru?

Think about it. Of course, Jesus wouldn't approve of whatever wrong that you are doing. But He would still love you the same wouldn't He. And He would still embrace you with open arms. And I know that if Ruka were to be friends with Jesus, Jesus would never, ever shun her away. And that is true love and friendship. To love and accept you despite the wrongs that you commit/committed/committing. And that is true liberation.

I want to be a friend like Takeru/Ruka/Michiru/Eri. Someone who would accept my friends for who they really, truly are. And I hope I can find friends like them too. Who would be my Last Friends? I wonder.
I know Jesus will be one of them. Haha!

I honestly love Last Friends. :) The story is really good, though it can be pretty heart wrenching. Though I really dislike Sousuke in the show (sorry Ryo!) I can't help but to cry like mad when Sousuke committed suicide especially when he said: "I am sorry, Michiru for not knowing how to love." Besides, Eita is so superbly cute and charming and handsome. HAHA. And I think Juri (Ruka) is very pretty. :)

Tomorrow is a day in which I must clear Biology! And as for sunday, Economics! :D
I miss NEWS! When are they coming out with a single ~ ?

OH and although I'm a day late, Happy birthday to the superbly boyishly cute Uchi Hiroki! :D

GP's paper quite a flop. :'(
I didn't make a good start in the approach of my essay. Introduction was alright but the starting body paragraphs were a bit -_- and my conclusion was like crap because I didn't manage to incorporate all my points in an evaluative way in it.

Comprehension was worse, I spent too much time on the summary because there seem to be a lack of points, leaving me with only 15 mins to finish up my AQ. Worst of all, I don't know what to write for AQ because the question was so weird, and spent so much time panicking and scanning the text for appropriate points to tackle. In the end, my points and applications are like crap.

OHOHO, so much for studying for GP. Sometimes, studying makes things worse because you are just so intent to apply what you've studied that in the end you miss the point altogether. Maybe I shouldn't study for GP anymore, lol.

Father, I know that You love me and that You have been blessing me with many little small blessings.
But I can't help feeling depressed and its so difficult to be joyful, even when I want to.
Still, I am very thankful for Your love that never fails and that's all that I am holding on to now.

I know I sound like some emo kid, but life really sucks.
Everywhere I go and no matter who I am with,
be it in church, in school, in ministry, in the cg, in the unit,
I never feel really belonged.
Do you know and understand the real me?
(The feeling is that only Ing-chan and Amanda truly understands me.. haha)
Worst of all, I cannot show pain in my emotions. :\

On top of that, things are not exactly going well in terms of studying cause I get so tired no matter how determined I am to study hard. :(

Ahhh, life sucks.
But still, I will continue to TRY and TRY until I really study hard.
I swear, I will achieve my dreams and aspirations!
God, give me strength!

Oh, and I am so glad Ryo has recovered from H1N1. :)
Pi's not recovered though. :(
Ganbatte ne, Pi-chan! Hayaku naoshitekudasai!
And and and, while Takahisa is getting cuter,
Tegoshi's getting hotter as he prepares for Dreamboys. HAHA!