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29 September 2011 @ 11:40 pm
Well, I suppose I didn't keep up with my promise to keep this going. LOL.
Recess week is drawing to an end :( I wish its recess month! :(
Current Location: home
Current Mood: lazylazy
Current Music: You Can't Stop the Beat - Glee/ My Favourite Things - Sound of Music
08 September 2011 @ 01:45 am
No, I don't listen to the latest hits or know the hottest new stars or shows.
I like my Studio Ghibli and Disney very much, thank you very much. And yes, at age twenty. :)
Oh and I love Musicals, Vocal performances (this is why I love Glee) and Orchestra music very much. They too, bring me to different worlds! and they keep me dreaming.

Now, don't you think songs like "Defying Gravity" and "Part of your World" much more uplifting and encouraging than songs about clubbing, sex and whatever lousy lyrics on 80% of new songs out there? Of course, there are some nice new songs too...And no, I am not counting in jpop (or Asian pop in general cause well, there are nice and cute chinese songs too, korean too), I like my tegomasu/news very much still. Hahha! xD

Not forgetting, ze lovely praise & worship songs of course. :)
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Stroll through the Sky - Howl's Moving Castle
07 September 2011 @ 01:13 am
At times like this I really want to watch a Studio Ghibli or Disney movie.
Simply because they bring me to a different world. :}
Yes, I just want to escape from the pressures, demands and stresses of this world.
At least, let me have time with my God! Yet, I am so tired I can't even focus. :(

And I just wasted time posting this.
But I needed to get it out!
Current Music: One Summer's Day - Spirited Away
02 September 2011 @ 11:45 pm
The night of the day that mummy and my brother went back (yes they came, for 1 week exactly), I got fever. And on-off headaches since before and after the fever, backaches and sore throat. And so with all these ailments, I am not exactly able to study to the best of my ability. But I suppose because of these ailments, I was granted more rest at last.

I finally took up the book I started but never got to progress on. (How to Have a Mary Heart in a Martha World, belonging to tracy) From there, Jesus seemed to say: "Mila, mila. You are anxious and worried about many things. Come to me and I will give you rest. Take my yoke for it is easy and my burden is light."

Just this morning I was reading the story of the man who was given the task (by God) to bring a wheelbarrow containing 3 rocks up to the mountain. Along the way though, the wheelbarrow gets cluttered with many many things, light and heavy from helping with the burdens of others. As the wheelbarrow gets heavier, the man's joyful and thanksgiving heart is replaced with bitterness, whines and complaints. God then came to meet him and said that all He wanted was for him to carry his own burden. Of course its good to help, but don't do what is too much for you. God never gives more than what you can bear. And leaving all the the things behind, he went on, up to the mountain with only the 3 rocks in his wheelbarrow.

I suppose I have to learn from that. :) I must learn not to keep saying yes and okay to everything. There is a need to keep my spiritual being in check, or I'll end up bitter and blaming God.

As of today, I am 85% recovered (still have sore throat and a bit of headache today, though yesterday I was perfectly fine) and as I recover, I think my spiritual being is also recovering. I do believe that as I recover spiritually, slowly, other aspects of my life will recover too.

Truth to be told, I secretly think I have depression when I am alone. HAHAH. When my family went back, I came home and I finally don't have to hold on to my tears of stress and bitterness anymore and I cried all I want and can. HAHAH. I have been holding it back because I don't want my mummy to fuss.

I have been very unhappy with myself. Feels insecure about appearance, feels fat (but I still want to eat anyway and I abhor it when people judges people who eat at night whenever they are hungry. YES, I am that kind of person but I'd rather go to sleep happy and satisfied than starve myself, thank you very much) feels that my hair is terrible, my complexion terrible, lazy to dress up to school and so feels insecure at times (but I still don't want to dress up too nicely for school because if I dress nicely for school, then the special days to dress up won't be special anymore).

I have been unhappy with others, and bitter that some people are blessed yet they don't see it and keep complaining some more, rubbing my lousiness of my school work at my face. not just school work though, have been unhappy with how some people are.

I have been unhappy with the state of my family, to the extent of bitterness to God. how I can't communicate well with them no matter how much I try. how I cannot have a normal family lifelihood cause their life is there and mine here. its very painful and saddening.

and I have been very very stressed about my studies. God knows how horrendous my GPA is and so I really plan to do well, I plan to really study hard this sem and pull my meagre GPA up. but then I need to do this, do that, go here, go there, there is hardly any time to study! and when I finally have time, I am so tired that I keep falling asleep as I study.

hence I have been very tired about many many things and I feel so weary, bitter and burnt out despite all that I've received in conference and NYC camp.

but that's going to turn around. and I know that even when life sucks so much, God is always good. Slowly, one by one. God will turn it around. I only need to keep holding on to Him. :)

I have some nice moments and rests this week as I recover. :) Cooking and eating breakfast with jingying, lunch with ing and rei, studying at cat socrates with rei, receiving mummy's text telling me to take care and not be stressed (actually she knew all along, i was so touched I teared when I read), making jellyfish for tomorrow's hopekids event. :) I thank God for all of it.

I am going to sleep now :) I haven't done my tutorial and studied my french and japanese. but one by one. I only need to keep holding on to Him. :)

Tomorrow is a day out with the kids! :D
and on Sunday, all afternoon and night is for studying only. :)
Current Location: home
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: King of Pride Rock/Circle of Life - Lion King Musical
20 August 2011 @ 12:32 am
Luke 10:41-42

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

honestly, I think I have been having the martha syndrome. :( you see, there are so many things that needs to be done! and if I were to not do it, what if nobody did? some tasks are entrusted to me, others can only be done by me because I have the materials, and others are initiated by me, so its only right that I do it. But I am getting really tired here, and I have been compromising on Quiet time and I hate it. :(

And I think why I am tired is because I haven't been spending enough time with God.

But you see, I am finding it very hard to find the balance between mary and martha. I mean, I can't just throw away my responsibilities. then I appear without my work done then what am I to say? "Oh, I needed to sit at the feet of Jesus..." then everyone can just say that to get out of their responsibilities.

Yet I can't go on like this, like martha. I'll get angry and bitter. At God even.
God, help me!

And I just wasted time to type this. But I figured this would take lesser time than to pen it on to my journal. besides, I still need to find something on the internet.

Dear God, my prayer is that you help me to remember what is the one important thing, and that is to be near to you. I know that you hear every single word of my prayer and I know that you are always there and that all I need is to draw near to You. I apologise for the times I didn't, simply because I was so tired and just wanted to sleep. God, please give me strength to finish all the tasks entrusted to me. Please also grant me wisdom to properly understand my school work that I am getting a bit stressed of. I know that You mean me well, always. Keep me close to You and be my strength, God.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. :)
And God? Thank you for letting me get Forensic Science this morning. :) Love You.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: The Lion Sleeps Tonight - Lion King Musical